The gods really love horsing around with me.
I’m telling you, it’s like I brighten their day reacting to their pranks.
When I woke up today - still in that remote little place that I’ve been staying at for the past few weeks - I said my morning prayers. I’m in constant communication with the heavens above, but I try to begin each day by praying for others and then saying thank you for all the things in my life that I am grateful for.
One of which included that I haven’t been as frightened to stay here as I was last year. That I haven’t been as hypervigilant, looking around every corner of my bedroom to see if there are any creatures lurking that I am afraid of. They like to hang with me there, as if I’ve invited them to a slumber party. I haven’t. I would never.
When I was done praying, I swung my legs out of bed with an even bigger spring in my step than usual. And just a foot away on the floor was a scorpion – the creature that I dread most! It looked dead, so I took a photo of it to text to Funk. But the flash brought the frigging thing to life and it raised its tail for battle.
I took care of It as best as I could and then texted the picture to Funk, as planned.
He texted back to stop bothering him at work with every obsessive nuance of my mind, so now, after almost 40 years of marriage, I’m breaking up with the bastard.
The picture: The beast in my bedroom this morning.
And the last line of this post: Well, April Fools!
I wouldn’t dream of breaking ties with the only man in the world who would ever think he won a precious prize in me.
And I apologize if you hate April Fools jokes as much as my children do. They are one of my greatest joys in life, but only when I set them up.
Here’s wishing your monsters are fading away too!