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Best Non-Fiction

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Gloria Squitiro Publishing, LLC • All Rights Reserved

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Christmas Newsletter 2011


Dear friends & family,

How much longer will I be able to include the kids’ names at the top of these letters? I’m telling you, I’m going to hang on past the point of propriety.

If you didn’t already know it, I suppose you can tell from the address above that Funk didn’t win his bid for re-election. I was disappointed that he wasn’t allowed to finish what he started, especially since we’d made it through the hazing, but also because I felt he was called to bring change to Kansas City. Sadly, not enough voters thought pulling the city back from bankruptcy was worth the discomfort of completing that change. Then again, things get really ugly whenever there’s a power struggle over parceling the people’s money. But I’m the only one in the family who was sad, the rest were relieved to have the sentence over with already. Luckily for me, being back on the east coast after a 30-year hiatus has made up for a lot of things.

Funk was rewarded for his efforts with a new job that was perfectly designed for him. It’s his first private sector job, yet it still embodies enhancing government outcomes. He loves it because it allows him to draw from his experiences and to use his intellect to create change. He’s been at it in DC since the end of June, with Tara and Charles joining him mid-July.

I was supposed to stay in kc for a few months after that to tie up loose ends, but leaving the kids’ childhood home made for an unexpected basket case, so the family plucked me out and planted me in DC in July as well. We spent the first 6 weeks in a flat from hell, during a heat wave from hell, being eaten alive by mosquitoes from hell, and while the whole thing felt like a forced purgatory at the time, it’s been blue skies ever since. In September we moved into a beautiful flat in a small 100-year-old building that is surrounded by trees and quiet, though it’s in the heart of the city. I even have a porch. And a great view in which to write from.

The only interruption to our blues skies came after the local kc moving company destroyed our belongings and then sued us for the privilege. I’m so tired of being sued. We’ve never been sued so much in all our lives. Actually, we were never sued before Funk took office, and so it appears that the movers thought they’d try to reap one last thank you for our service to kc.

Back to the blue skies: While we were waiting in kc for Funk to decide which job to take, in anticipation of Tara’s upcoming wedding, we all got hooked on the show, Say Yes To The Dress, and of course, we had to go to Manhattan to say yes ourselves. So off we went, me, Funk and Tara, even though Tara thought it creepy to be alone with her parents for the first time since Andrew came along. But there we found the most perfect wedding dress for the most perfect infant bride. And it only took 2 dresses to find it. I held up well for most of the scheduled appointment, mainly by keeping myself in business mode to make sure that we weren’t getting financially screwed from the emotion of it all. But once the dress was decided, the clerk then placed the veil that I had lovingly hand-searched through 1000’s to find upon my child’s head, and even with that little gesture, I was still holding up pretty well. However, then that same bitch-clerk decided that it’d be a good idea to pull the veil down over my baby’s face, and that’s when I lost it, for with that one small movement a vision of my future was painted for me: My youth is gone; my perky boobs are gone, unless I succumb to a lift, which I won’t; I’m no longer considered the smartest in our family, in fact, some days the infants are already of the opinion that I’m living in Depends; and though I’m grateful that my husband is going blind since he doesn’t notice hairs growing on me where they’re not supposed to grow, I’m now facing the rest of my life with a man who can’t see and doesn’t hear too well. Sounds like a party, no?

Andrew has another year of undergraduate school, and then, with any luck for Funk and I, he’ll go to grad school on the east coast. This year he hooked up with a sweet and pretty girl named Clare that he’s been keeping under wraps lest we scare her off. Imagine us scaring anyone away? But he’s taking a chance and bringing her to visit after the New Year. Last November, he flew(!) with Funk to California, and then came home for Thanksgiving. Nick came too, and so we felt the new place blessed with most of our U.S. flock, save for Alex who came the week after, around us.

Of the many things that Funk promised to do if I consented to his running for office back in 2007, the major one was that after he finished serving he promised to devote the rest of his life to doing whatever it was that I wanted to do. So I’m looking forward to completing my book, and building tiny houses in the country for the just-dumped-woman, and then using the proceeds from those ventures to pay off the bills we accumulated because of the mayor gig and purchase a ruin to restore somewhere in Europe. Does this sound like enough of what he owes me? Probably not, but it sure is exciting to contemplate.

I can’t end this letter without speaking of other sadness’s that occurred this year; first came the heartbreaking news that the owner of Funk’s new company, Dennis, and his wife Joan, unexpectedly lost their only child this fall. We pray for their strength, and if you have the inclination to include them in your prayers, we would be grateful. Their beautiful son’s name is Corey. The other came with the loss our sweet neighbor Mary, and if you can hold her and her family in your hearts, we’d appreciate that as well.

We hope that 2012 is filled with plans that also excite you. As always, our door is always open, and we’d relish a visit from you. Until then, we bid you adieu.

With love, the funks