Sometimes, there’s too much to be afraid of to be afraid


I stayed back in Hawaii to have another go at editing this long, long, long, very LONG manuscript, so that my book can make its debut in the world as polished as I want it to be.


Which means, I’m alone. In a remote part of the island. That’s already out in the middle of nowhere. Although I do sort of have family on the opposite side of the island.


The other night I was awakened at 1am to my hair blowing so furiously on my pillow that it felt as if I were standing outside in the major storm that was currently taking place on the other side of my wall. A storm of such proportions, that the locals say they’d never experienced one like it before.


A storm so great that it brought the guy in the picture above inside to seek protection. Or, at least that’s what I surmised.


Before I became aware of his presence – and you better believe it was a he, as no female would scare another female like that – since it’s indoor-outdoor living here, once I realized I wasn’t dreaming, that my hair really was blowing inside the house, I got up to start closing windows and doors.


But he wasn’t the first being that I ran into on my way to doing that.


The first was an 8″ long snake-like thing writhing on my bedroom floor. I don’t like to kill things. And since I know there aren’t snakes in Hawaii, I didn’t freak so much. I just went about closing more doors and windows.


Which is when I ran into a centipede that looks and acts and stings like a scorpion, and my freak level went up a notch.


But I kept about my business. When my hair finally stopped blowing, I figured I’d gotten everything battened down enough to where I could visit the lady’s room and go back to sleep.


I was on my way there when I ran into the real scorpion. I murdered him on the spot. My prayer is that he’s already involved in his next life.


I wish so much that I were brave. But you know what they say, wish in one hand and sh*t in the other, and guess what you’ll be holding. The truth is, I’m uneasy being here. Almost like I’ve been placed on a forced vision quest, though I’m certain if I ever experienced a real one, that this experience would seem like I was at one of Funk’s boring auditor conferences.


Still, I feel like I’m being tested. My time here has been filled with tedious work, a painful longing for my sister, sadness over the subsequent demise of my family of origin, and fear that things will crawl on me in my sleep.


I’m sure all this will make for a funny chapter in a later book. But for now, all I can do is endure. And guard my heart. And with another storm coming tonight, wrap myself up in my duvet, my killer broom within arm’s reach.


Please remember, my posts aren’t meant to solicit pity. There’s no boo-hooing going on here. Well, there is a little. Maybe a lot. But for this post, I’m just trying to find the humor in dark side of life, because that’s the only way I know to get through.


And if those last words are not enough to make my intent clear, here’s a Grateful Dead tune that will help put everything I’m trying to say in perspective.


“When Push Comes To Shove”

Shaking in the forest, what have you to fear Here there may be tigers to punch you in the ear Gloves of stainless steel, bats carved out of brick Will knock you down and beat you up and give your ass a kick When push comes to shove You’re afraid of love

Shaking in the desert, wherefore do you cry Here there may be rattle snakes to punch you in the eye Shotguns full of silver, bullets made of glass String barbed wire at your feet and do not let you pass When push comes to shove You’re afraid of love

When push comes to shove When push comes to shove You’re afraid of love When push comes to shove

Shaking in the bedroom, covers on your head Cringing like a baby at the hand beneath the bed Phantom in the closet, scratching at the door The latest mystery killer that you saw on channel four When push comes to shove You’re afraid of love

Shaking in the garden, the fear within you grows Here there may be roses to punch you in the nose Twist their arms around you, slap you till you cry Wrap you in their sweet perfume and love you till I die When push comes to shove You’re afraid of love

When push comes to shove When push comes to shove You’re afraid of love When push comes to shove

When push comes to shove When push comes to shove You’re afraid of love When push comes to shove

Wishing that you, too, get tired of being afraid, and just go for it!

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